Helping Candle Lighters

                     It is human nature to help others in need. 

See that woman looking cross and angry?  How can I help?  See the look of that of the guy sitting on the curb? He might be hungry.  We want to help him.  It’s what we do as humans. 

However, the urge to give can sometimes be self-serving, especially when it leaves the recipient in a state of interminable dependence.  To give someone the gift of independence, however, is to help them stand on their own two feet. 

I have a friend who is a mentor at HopeWorks.  It is a Christian outreach here in Memphis.  People come and go but each one has a special need of some sort and they come seeking advice or help.  It’s all about helping people help themselves.

We as parents have this impulse to constantly tend to our children’s every whim and wants.  But our job is not to focus on what they want but on their needs.  We want to develop in them the necessary skills for them to succeed in life on their own.  We want to raise well-adjusted independent human beings!

So, it must be with our interactions with those in need.  You and I must help them to be able to help themselves.  As the famous saying goes: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day: teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” 

One might think that a gift is nobler than a loan: after all, a loan is returned, while a gift requires us to give by helping someone in need without repayment.  That’s true.  We do give gifts of charity.  Seeing someone who is lacking in the necessities of life requires us to give without expecting anything in return. However, I am talking about dependency.

 Even loans might not be good.  The loaner expects to have the loan paid back at some point.  The loanee, even with a written agreement, ofttimes neglect repayment or else now avoids you completely.  Thereby you have lost both money and also lost a friend.  

We might apply loaning and giving to education.  It should be the goal of educators to convey information so that students are able to provide for themselves and not simply regurgitate what they have heard the professors say.  The objectives should be educating students to be well-adjusted human beings, enabling them to become independently proficient and empowering them to study and acquire knowledge on their own.

All these insights underscore the same basic truth. Whether we are talking about someone’s financial, educational, or spiritual needs, the greatest gift one can give another is the resources and skills necessary for them to provide for themselves and take charge of their own destiny.

Here is a story that I heard years ago.   A famous teacher invited students to his home to study by asking questions and giving answers. There was a lone candle on the mantal of the fireplace which was unlit.   After a long period of discussion one of his students who had noticed the candle asked the teacher.  “Are you ready to light the candle?  No, said the teacher.  I provide the candle and I provide you with the match.  Only you can light your own candle.”

              You must now help someone be their own candlelighter.