I am at the age when many of my friends have died.  I look back at old year books and realize that I might be one of the last ones still living. 

What do we say when attending a funeral or sitting with a friend who has experienced a great loss.  It seems that today many Christians just call death “a celebration of life.”  A type of ceremony after we attend a funeral. Everyone seems happy. However, we need to focus on the mourner, not the deli platters.  Perhaps after this celebration is when the mourner needs you most. 

 Yes, we know that death should not be feared to those of us who are Believers, but somehow, have we failed in how we comfort the bereaved?

Down deep inside there is a great loss.  So how do we comfort?  What do we say?

When looking at Job, in the Old Testament, his friends try to comfort him without success.  He didn’t want their advice, only just silence and sitting with him. 

Perhaps we need to mourn with those that mourn.  Not saying or trying to console.  Usually there are no words that really help. 

Sometimes, nothing that you can say, as heartfelt as it might be, is what a mourner needs to hear.  Sometimes, the most powerful thing that we can do is bear witness to someone’s pain, to hold their hand in silence.

Consoling the bereaved can be distilled to three actions…. Be there, speak in silence and hear with a heart.  

We, the comforters, do not get to set the mode and the tone.  Grief ebbs and it flows. It can be melancholic and profound; it can be raucous and inappropriate, but whatever it is, it belongs to the mourner.   It is the bereaved who can tell you if and what they need to share, or when they want to cry or laugh. 

If the mourner is too stunned to even form a coherent sentence, that’s OK too.  Your job… our job is to be with them where they need us to be.  Not to coax, and not to lead, just to be there!  Our silence can speak louder than words!

                        Your presence is your comfort!